![]() You need to understand to fulfil your needs, physical, psychological, emotional, social and various other needs, you are coming together. I’m not saying this or that is the way, but whichever way you do it, please conduct it responsibly, joyfully. How you arrange the marriage is your choice. How responsibly you exist – that is all there is. ![]() I said, “Whatever happens, whichever way it happens, it is for me either to make it a disaster or a success.” I knew this much.īecause who you marry, how you marry, which way it was arranged or by whom it was arranged is not important. So, neither God’s diktats nor the law is able to stop the breakups. But where such religions are practiced, there the divorce rate is highest. Well, many religions have fixed it that you cannot divorce, that it is completely wrong. But in most countries, there is a law: if you make a mistake, at least two years you must suffer before you can divorce. Within three months you will know what it really is. Within those ten people that they know in their life, you marry one guy or girl. If a young man or young woman wants to marry, who will they marry? Their contacts are very limited. You cannot find the best man or woman in the world because we do not know where they are! With the limited contacts that we have, we can arrange something that is reasonably good. It is best that it is arranged by responsible, sensible people, by those who are most concerned about your wellbeing, who have a larger reach. You may think so many things about it, but it is arranged by your emotion, your greed, or by someone. But sometimes you really hit it off with someone and it may work out – that is another matter.Įverything is an arrangement. Well, tomorrow morning you could realise you don’t want to have anything to do with her! When you are twenty, due to various compulsions or peer pressure, you may take decisions which will not last a lifetime. You may just like the way a girl is dressed and you want to get married today. When parents are the basis of organising the marriage, the success rate is a little better because they will think more long term. Well, people may say the divorce rate here is low due to the social stigma associated with divorce, but definitely how it is arranged is also an important factor. In Spain, the divorce rate is around sixty-five per cent Russia is at fifty-one per cent United States, forty-six per cent. Luxembourg, a small country which is held as one of the most economically prosperous and free societies, has a divorce rate of eighty-seven per cent. At its worst, breaking the custom of arranged marriage can mean being disowned by one’s family.The success of something is in the result. Youth who attend American schools and are immersed in Western culture still can experience extreme pressure from older relatives to marry someone from back home of the same religion and caste. These traditions and values span social class: The high level of educational and professional achievement in Indian immigrant populations can disguise how deeply traditional they are in their personal lives. More than 87 percent of Indian Americans are foreign-born, and ties to relatives and communities back home mean customs like arranged marriage and the shame of divorce continue to be enforced across oceans and through generations. Though it’s not clear exactly how many such unions exist in the United States, we know that South Asians are part of the fastest-growing racial group here, and about 70 percent of Indian marriages are arranged. The divorce stigma often is most severe in cases of arranged marriage. In some communities, what’s needed is more divorce, not less. So while many are cheering about the falling divorce rates in the United States, this isn’t good news for all. If their families oppose the divorce, they may be left with no place to go and no means of supporting themselves and their children. ![]() The divorce taboo has particularly severe consequences for women who have no financial resources of their own. In conservative families, a divorced woman is often viewed as pariah or harbinger of bad luck. Sometimes, they stop receiving invitations to family functions, and when they do attend, they’re made a target of relatives’ shaming. Divorcees often are isolated from their families, an object of mingled pity and disdain. While parents and siblings might show sympathy over an unhappy marriage, divorce is often considered beyond the pale. Husbands and wives are forced by social pressure originating 8,000 miles away to stay in emotionally unhealthy and abusive relationships. Chitra’s story, and the emotional suffering of other South Asian men and women whom I help as a counselor, show why those numbers are so concerning.
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